I cannot lie, homeschooling is NOT always a beautiful harmonious one big happy family thing. There are days where at least one or all of you just want to throw in the towel and scream! You give an inch and the kids take a mile. Mom blows up and all the children are crying! Dad gets out the enrollment forms for the area schools ... then you weigh your options.
Is it because we homeschool that we fight? No. We are family and we are comfortable enough around each other that we can be real. Real isn't always pretty! We are humans! Sometimes we are selfish, sometimes we don't feel like doing ANYTHING! Because we don't have a workplace or a school zone where we have to conform and put on our masks for a while, we just let all of our realness show to each other. The days where more than one of us are feeling really real at the same time ......... EXPLOSION!
I'd like to say that I'm the mom who exhibits the fruit of the spirit with excellence every day, but I'm not. I try to live by the Spirit and I even exercised and read my Bible this morning and had a banana and Mini Wheats and coffee - 2 cups now, but my tolerance for goofing off lid blew off.
The fruit of the spirit are ... LOVE ... that's easy especially for my family. Unconditionally my heart strings are pulled even in discipline, I love my husband and kids and even the crazy dog who has an uncontrollable urge to dig in the trash can right now. JOY ... This may not make sense, but I do have joy even in the midst of irritation. PEACE ... well there's a rocky place. I have no worries, but I'm not creating an atmosphere of peace. PATIENCE ... Well, I got an F this morning. Setting timers, giving space ... kids not accomplishing things ... okay suffice to say I failed. KINDNESS ... okay another failure. I did work on it a little. GOODNESS ... I don't even know what to say about that. It is good to be consistent, not good to lose it. FAITHFULNESS ... My expectations have not changed and that is good for the kids. GENTLENESS ... My loud voice may not be considered gentleness. What time is it? How much do you have done? 5 minutes worth of work in an hour and a half? Go get a snack and get down here ready to work!!!! At least I gave us a break from each other and hoped that the possibility of hunger could affect concentration. :/ Maybe! SELF-CONTROL win and lose! Yes, I yelled, no, I didn't smash. I have been known to throw things or slam something onto the table or desk to physically get rid of anger and avoid hurting someone, but I managed to maintain some sense of self-control.
Why am I sharing about a bad moment and risking the wrong people reading this and declaring me unfit to ... fill in the blank, I'm sure there are many things I'm unfit for. But I feel guilty at times when people say I'm doing a good job or being a good mom or good anything. Honestly as I reviewed the Fruit of the Spirit just now, I was actually calming down and my sweet child was on the phone with Daddy to sort out what Mommy didn't have patience to deal with. Bad days happen. Getting through them happens too, one way or another. I have a feeling that this one is getting better already.
Several years ago, I discovered that children bring out the rawest and worst part of me. Even when my children were infants, sometimes I wondered how to make them stop crying. I actually did leave my toddler in the living room while shutting myself in my bedroom for 10 minutes to collect my nerves. I couldn't believe that I'd prayed for so long to have children and after having them, they were sucking the life out of me ... not really, I just thought it a time or six. I prayed and asked God how in the world I was going to learn how to parent. Where is the manual? The thing that leapt at me from what seemed to be the depths of me was Galatians 5:22-23. But the fruit of the spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. Against such things there is no law. I am not sure what translation because that was a quote from my heart and it could have errors. The fruit of the Spirit as a parenting manual? Why yes! I don't know if it will help me through the teen years, but seriously when I go through a situation mindful of these beautiful fruit, I know better how to respond.
I just took a sip of coffee and looked at the wall behind my computer where sits a certificate made by my kids. "World's best teacher" I almost choked. That's funny! I might just be the world's best teacher for them, though. In good times or bad times. Yes, maybe Mommy learned the bigger lesson today. Maybe I just need to have a "fruit" break every time I sense the bad day thing coming on. As I don't get to sit and type a whole blog at once, since starting this post, things are running beautifully here at LSA. Kids are on task and self-motivated. Ahhhhhh! Monday, you do not have the victory this week!
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